ANDREWThe protagonist.Wrong about everything.
ANDREWVS.DANIELLE
DANIELLEThe antagonist.Right about everything.
A tailgate saga in four games. He wants to do every dumb thing in the lot. She has the tickets, the keys, and a point.
Table Smash
ANDREW'S PLANJump off the roof of the van and through a folding table. Five times.
DANIELLE'S POINT“The sheriff banned this in 2018.”
Bowling Ball Shot
ANDREW'S PLANDrink cherry liqueur out of a bowling ball every time she turns her back.
DANIELLE'S POINT“Two thirds of a shot is still a shot.”
Ketchup & Mustard
ANDREW'S PLANHold up a plain burger and let a van full of people fix it. From the roof.
DANIELLE'S POINT“That was a white shirt.”
Opening Night
ANDREW'S PLANHit every party between the lot and the gate of the new stadium.
DANIELLE'S POINT“Kickoff is at 8:15. I have the tickets.”
IN THE COOLER
Hood Cooking
ANDREW'S PLANMake lunch on a hand saw, a shovel and an army helmet.
DANIELLE'S POINT“Has anyone ever washed that shovel?”
Dizzy Bat
ANDREW'S PLANTen spins, then a dead sprint through the lot.
DANIELLE'S POINT“You get carsick in the driveway.”
The Ride Home
ANDREW'S PLANControl the radio.
DANIELLE'S POINT“I drove here. I am driving home.”
Based on a true story, mostly. The rituals are real ones from the tailgates on Abbott Road in Orchard Park: cherry liqueur from the thumb hole of a bowling ball since 1990, and a ketchup-and-mustard dousing about 90 minutes before kickoff. And yes, the responsible one once did a bowling ball shot on Canadian television.